Thursday, February 23, 2012
IN THE NIGHT GARDEN
For a little girl who was only here for a little while Estella sure made some friends. One of the days I will remember all of my life is the day that Iggle Piggle from the Night Garden came to visit our little Tinker at Bluebell Wood.
I had been extremely lucky to come across a wonderful lady who had an Iggle Piggle suit and one Saturday she came along to spend an hour with Estella. She had fallen asleep and one can only wonder what went through her mind when she awoke to see Iggle Piggle standing by her bed. Iggle Piggle with his big red blanket and eyes that Estella stared at goggle eyed. She made her ooh ooh ooh face. She raised her little eyebrows
It was one of the last times I saw her beautiful smile.
Iggle Piggle came to her funeral a few weeks later and draped the big red blanket over Estella's little white coffin. Iggle Piggle waved her goodbye and gave us all balloons to release into the sky. Iggle Piggle skipped away from the funeral leaving us all laughing..and crying..and laughing
Imagine Estella looking down at that room. People sat there with tears in their eyes. Daddy and Granddad carrying in her coffin and on the back row a giant Iggle Piggle crying into a hanky. Estella would have laughed.A lovely sense of the absurd. Imagine the scene.
'And Who Are You ?'
'Yes - may name is Iggle Piggle....
She would have been a year old tomorrow.
I would be getting ready now to spoil her. There would be a party and my stupid theatrical nonense brain would have arranged some cartoon character to pop in to see her. I would have bought her a new dress and far too many toys. There would have been cake and a candle. There would have been disbelief that a year had passed.
There is disbelief that a year has passed.
She has not been here for over three months now and there will be no birthday party tomorrow. There will be no cards. there will be no wrapped presents. There will be no tales and no songs. The dearest treasure of my life has gone and will never have a birtnday.
We have bought her a toy wooden monkey. One of those that dances on a set of gymnastic bars.
We have bought her some Chinese lanterns. Lights flying to the heavens.
Tonight when it is dark we are going to go to the park where her ashes are spread. We will cast the monkey into the pond to shock the ducks and make Estella laugh. We will release our souls on chinese lanterns to try to float them closer to our daughter and we will sit
on a bench
in the dark
in the rain
In the Night Garden
and just maybe somewhere off into those trees Iggle Piggle will be watching.
It's time for bed Iggle Piggle
So much has happened in that year. So many laughs. So many tears.
And tomorrow she will be one year old.
She should have toddled
She should have sang
She shoudl have danced
She should be excited and breathless with anticipation of tickles
Instead she was breathless with SMA
And nothing will change that
And nothing will bring her back
And I will never hold her again
I get that
I honestly understand - I know.
But tonight I am going to sit In The Night Garden and watch the stars.
Tonight I am going to watch the stars
And tomorrow ?
We're catching the Ninkey Nonk and getting away for the day
All across the world hundreds of you will be
Tweeting and retweeting
Getting celebrity retweets
Writing SMASH SMA on your bodies
Singing A Horse With No Name and Puff The magic Dragon
feeding your kids far too much cake and letting them stay up later than normal
Whatever you do for the Tinker please please let us know and post photos
I woudl be grateful if you would all raise a hell of a noise tomorrow.
I know you will
A year ago today i did not know any of you. And yet so many people have helped us with this whole journey. So many people who have gone so far beyond anything that I had ever thought possible.
I have met some amazing people
forgive me this
I met one person who was amazing beyond amazing. A gentle soul with an ironic lifting of an eyebrow who could melt your heart. A little girl who believed in stars and rainbows and dreams and Iggle Piggle and The Cat in the Hat and.. . .me
She believed in me
Thankyou Estella for making me a Daddy - if only for a moment
Happy birthday my absolute darling.
I'll see you in the Night Garden
the night is black
and the stars are bright
and the sea is dark and deep
someone i know is safe and snug
and they're drifting off to sleep
round and round
a little boat no bigger than your hand
out on the ocean
far away from land
take the little sail down
light the little light
this is the way to the garden in the night
She will be there waiting for me
In the garden in the night
Someone I know is safe and snug
In the garden
In the night