CELEBRITY FORTUNES

This is a blog I have been thinking about writing for a while.

It's not a sad one - it's not particularly about Estella

Well, in a way it is.

One of the things I have noticed on Twitter is how annoyed some people get when they can not get celebrities retweeting them.It usually starts with tweets asking for retweets and then ends with an outburst about how celebrities could not care less.

Let's think about this a minute.

We seem to have this concept that celebrities are all rich and famous and should be conscious all the time that they are 'lucky' to be in the public eye - as such they should be tweeting about good causes all day long.

Why should they ?
How could they ?

They are all people and all very different people.

We have 26,000 followers on Twitter and a lot of that was down to the fact that one very nice American lady knew Stephen Fry and he tweeted about Estella. The time line went crazy and I remember being in tears as hundreds of people got to hear about Estella. It was amazing.

Stephen Fry himself said that seeing one tweet out of the thousands that he gets every day is like seeing a snowflake in a blizzard.

So there's the first answer - quite often the celebrity does not even see the tweets.

To get round this to start with we had snowstorm hours - calls to action to tweet a celeb all at the same time. I remember Mia Farrow doing us a retweet when we shut down her time line - effective but not the best way to win friends and influence people. I think she was rather cross :)

Anton Ferdinand came across us and retweeted and we picked up hundreds. One night he asked his brother ( the man who should still be England captain ) Rio to tweet and it went crazy. We received 2,000 new followers in the space of an hour. It was an amazing evening.


Just lately we have been lucky enough to meet with Natalie Cassidy. Natalie saw Estella's video because her neice rang her and told her she should watch it. The support we have had since is for one reason only - Natalie is a Mum , and an extrordinairily good one , she was touched by Estella and has taken SMA under her wing with regular tweets, a Sunday People article and more care and love than you could ever believe.

Maybe that's the answer. A lot of the celebrities who have supported us are Mums or ones who have had their own experiences in life that have taught them the value of support and thought.

We have had dozens of celebrity retweets about Estella. As soon as they see the video ( which has now been viewed by over 45,000 people ) they get it and they are so wonderful.

Last week we had several retweets from another actress. The difference this time is that she is actually a star in the adult film industry in America. I had two tweets asking if it was such a good idea to be retweeted by her. All I can say is that she wanted to spread the word about SMA and she was touched by Estella's story - so the answer is obvious. She's a very caring person and we are proud that she gets Estella - so thanks for so much support to the amazing Sophie Dee.



Last Sunday we also had terrific support in Direct Messages from the ever wonderful Gail Porter. She retweeted us and won us so many new followers.

So that's my thoughts this fine Sunday morning. No tears today. No calls to action just a thankyou to the celebrities who have been touched by Estella and her little life.

I'm biased - I know that Estella herself wins them over with her eyes and her spirit and her charm. If you are here reading this then you already know that.

There are a couple that we just have not been able to get Ed Sheeran and Jessie J must have had a million tweets but remember about the snowflake in the blizzard - one day a smile from Estella will land on their radar and BOOM - SMA will get another kicking.

I want to end with just one more thought.

I am sure a lot of celebrities don't like the word. They are very much normal people who are also touched by sorrow and pity and tears and regret.

By the same token there are so many of you following Estella who would never think of yourselves as celebrities. Never think of yourself as important or famous.

I tell you this

We are going to put an end to this disease that took my daughter. We are going to pick away at it. We are going to shout at it. We are going to kick it.

We are going to smash it

And when we do there will be no more babies born who already have their days numbered in months rather than decades

And when we do there are going to be no more Muppet Daddies struggling to read nanite stories through tear soaked eyes

And when we do there will be no more families who have to sit in that room holding the cold hand of their little treasure and kissing her forehead one final time before lifting and carrying her to her final sleep.

and when that happens every tweet, every retweet, every donation, every promise , every smile, every wish, every shout out , every Follow Friday , every tear will all be worth it. Small random acts of kindness

Like snowflakes

That make a blizzard

That make you all celebrities

Crying in the snow for one little snowflake who never saw her Winter

Let it snow

Let it snow

Let it snow

You didn't really think I was going to let you get away without a little sob did you :)



FATHER'S DAY - A LETTER TO ESTELLA

Estella

Good Morning Tinker.

Muppet Daddy here.

Don't worry I'm not going to sing Puff the Magic Dragon, The Runaway Train or Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. I'm not here to tickle you and I won't pull any of those silly faces . I'm not even going to make you listen to The Cat in the Hat complete with overacting and silly voices.

I'm here for a purely selfish reason today.

I wanted to tell you how I'm doing.

I say selfish because I tell you how Mummy is doing every night - this morning though I thought I'd fill you in on how I'm feeling.

You know that I miss you more than I can ever say. I know I try not to cry because if I do and you are watching me then you may think that Daddy is sad or that he is lonely. I know youi do see me cry but sometimes they are happy tears because I remember something silly about you. Sometimes I cry because I miss you, you know that but sometimes I cry because some trees look lovely or I hear something about naughty SMA getting a kicking or I want to tell you about something that I can not.

There is not a day goes by that I don't think about how things could have been and I cry then too. That's selfish though I know. Your poor little body wasn't very well and I know you had started to realise that and that you would have become very upset if you had stayed much longer.

I know that.

Sometimes I cry because it was the right thing for you to go when you went. I know that's selfish too because the tears are just my way of saying that I wish things could have been different.I wish I could have held you for longer or sang you a few more songs. I wish I could have kissed that illness out of you and had it in me. God I wish I could.

The one thing that I never want to be different though is the effect that you had on this world. In your eight months here you managed to move so many people to care, to care about their lives, their children, their hopes- and to care about you.








So how am I doing

No point pretending is there - I know you know

When you first said goodbye I thought that I would never laugh or smile again. You soon showed me that was wrong. You sent me so many signs. That's why days like today aren't too bad. It's not been Christmas or New Year of Father's Day when I have missed you the most. It's at random unexpected moments. It happens a lot when I am driving or showering or waking up. If you see me crying then you have to forgive me please. It's just time without you.

It's just time passing by,

The nice people are still here. They are doing all sorts to try and make it that other babies don't have the naughty disease you had. When that happens then I know you will be very happy. Imagine that because of you living other babies don't have to have those tubes and machines and those rooms and those dreadful moments that we thought we were losing you.

Anyway enough about all that

It's Father's Day

I think there will be a bacon butty somewhere along the way. Better had be

but

It's Father's Day and you are supposed to get me a present.

There are 364 days a year when Daddies have the right to spoil their little girls and buy all sorts that they can be told off for but today is my day and I shall be expecting  my present later. I hope it's a big one

What am I hoping for ?

I don't want a tie
I don't want socks
I don't want a World's Ugliest Daddy Mug
I don't want a trophy
I don't want a card that you have made by painting with your fingers
( Although that would be very nice)
I don't want an electronic thingy machine


I just want a moment in the day - an unexpected moment. I just want a breeze across my cheek. I just want a rainbow in the kitchen. I just want a song on the radio. I just want to have one moment when a memory of you comes floating by. I just want a white butterfyl to land on a bush. I just want a memory of something you did.

I just want a heart rending, awe-inspiring , inexplicable moment when I remember something about you that I have already forgotten.

It may be something like the way you raised your eyebrows or squeezed my useless finger or smiled when I put you in the big bed and told you to hush so we did not wake Mummy. We talked for hours in teh big bed with Mr Giraffe- all our plans - all our dreams.

All I want is to know that you are there

All I want is to know that I have not lost you

All I want is sunshine on my face or a gentle rain or some natural beautiful moment that creeps up and suprises me and reminds me


Of you

Of my Estella

Now go and get that sorted.

I shall be expecting a miracle - not a diddy one - a big whap you in the belly with a fish miracle

Not much to ask for

Not much for a Muppet Daddy

On Father's Day

EVERYTHING I OWN

On Sunday it was six months since Estella passed away. People were very kind as always and we had thousands of messages and photos and balloons and candles. We spent the whole day keeping up to date with all of the very kind support.

How different to the dark November Sunday evening when we sat by her bed. She had died that afternoon and we had bathed her and dressed her for the final time. If I had to choose one moment from the whole of my experience with Estella that will live with me forever it was watching Maria bathing her little body and preparing her for her final journey. I have never seen anything as heart rendering and sad. I would give the world not to have had to see that.

The reason I am trying to smash SMA is because I do not want other parents to be there in that room holding their child for the last time. Watching the water wash over legs that can no longer splash and eyes that can no longer see. The dearest person I have ever known silenced and stayed by the most evil and damned of diseases.

I sat by her bed that night in that cold cold room and read her her story book and sang her her songs and then I got down on my knees and I apologised. I apologised to my little Tinker that there was nothing I could do to have saved her and there was nothing I could do to protect her and comfort her. There was nothing I could do.

As a Daddy that makes me feel weak. As a Daddy that means I failed. I failed because the most hideous monster that could exist came to take my daughter away and nothing I could do could win that fight. I know I tried but I was nothing compared to Maria and the amazing 24/7 care and love that she gave Estella. I could not save her. And as I knelt I promised her that i would try my very best to make sure that people heard about this disease and I would not rest until it was something that people no longer needed to hear about.

Six months on and awareness has been raised. We are putting politicians and celebrities and scientists in the same room and moving towards solutions.

That did not matter last week though.

Last week we went to the park in Spain where half of Estella's ashes sleep in a lovely fountain. We took her toys and sweeties and a balloon and sat and had a few words. A family came up, as always, and took the gifts away for another child. For another time. For another place.That felt good.

Sat there feeling warmth on my skin and cool breeze in my hair I thought of Estella and how she had always seemed to be so wise and so knowing. I looked at other children and for a moment I wondered why she could not have had more time, more experience, more life. I know the philosophical debate that she lived a full life and one without pain and that she was very loved but she deserved more- she deserved so much more.

Six months on and life is starting again. The shadows of the night are not always laced with fear and there are still rainbows and there are still moments of beauty and peace. The world is an amazing place and I was gifted for a short, too short, while with the most perfect little daughter. Her little body did not work. Her little mouth could not speak. Her little legs could not run

but

Once when I was sat by her side at three in the morning - trying to think of reasons to go on I sat with my head bowed. I looked up and saw that she was awake and I remember one thing.

Her little eyes could cry.

A single tear ran down her cheek and she looked at me with such love and such care and such concern. She was crying because I was sad. She was crying because I was crying. She was longing to cuddle me and make it all right.

Last week when we sat by her fountain Maria said to me that it was OK to cry but she tried her best not to because if Estella was watching she may think that we were crying because we were annoyed at her or diasppointed that she left us - and that broke my heart.

Wherever she is - six months on - wherever she sleeps - wherever she dreams she has to know one thing ... My darling little Tinker , I could not have been more proud of who you were and who you are and who you will be. No Daddy ever had a daughter so beautiful, so wise, so perfect and so capable of love.You came here for a reason little monkey and if that reason was to bring SMA to an end one day sooner and to ensure that other babies live and that other Daddies dont cry then all is fine and all is fair and all is peace.

Adn if I tell myself that then I feel Ok
And if I tell myself that I dont cry
And if I tell myself that then I will SMASH SMA

Even though its never - never- never fair.


I miss you with every heartbeat and every breath. I love you with everything I am.

I could not be prouder of the changes you are making to this world.

Maybe I failed but I know one thing. Tinker didnt think so. She forgives me

You wonderful people are helping to keep her spirit alive.

Thankyou

Six months on. What do I think we have achieved ?

Love

Just love

And I would give anything I own

Give up my life, my heart, my home I would give everything I own

Just to have you back again
You taught me how to love

What it's of, what it's of

You never said too much but still you showed the way

And I knew from watching you
Nobody else could ever know

The part of me that can't let go
And I would give anything I own

Would give up my life, my heart, my home

I would give everything I own

Just to have you back again
Is there someone you know?

You're loving them so

But taking them all for granted
You may lose them one day

Someone takes them away

And they don't hear the words you long to say
And I would give anything I own

Will give up my life, my heart, my home

I would give everything I own

Just to have you back again

Just to touch you once again

Just to speak to you - words again

SERIOUS SMA SMASHING

Somebody asked me the other day if I really think we can SMASH SMA or if its just a campaign to raise attention about the disease that is the number one genetic killer of children - a disease that is carried by 1 in 40 of us.

I hope this blog gives the answer

Those of you who are regular readers will be familiar with the work of Prof. Gillingwater and his team in Edinburgh. They are leading research on finding solutions to SMA and we are backing them by encouraging awareness and funding for them.

I had the following mail from Tom today

Hi Tom & Maria,
I hope you are both keeping well.
I wanted to update you on some very exciting progress in our SMA research that has come through over the last couple of weeks:
- First, we have had a huge number of high-quality applications for the Estella Star SMA Scholarship. We are going to be interviewing over the next couple of weeks and will let you know who we have appointed ASAP. We will ask them to write a short report for you when they finish their project to let you know how they got on.
- Second, we have made some really exciting progress with identifying a potential new drug for SMA. We are going to use the remainder of the funds you have helped raise to undertake pre-clinical testing in SMA mice. Any additional funds that come in will also be used for this trial (we are also hoping to approach some of the large funding bodies in an attempt to raise some serious cash for this...we need at least £50k!). If the results of this trial are positive, and show a beneficial effect of the drug in the SMA model mice, we would hope to try and move the drug towards human clinical trials as quickly as possible.
Both of these developments would not have been possible without your incredible advocacy and support. I can't begin to thank you both enough. I hope that you feel that these developments are moving things in the right direction and that together we can SMASH SMA!
Very best wishes,
Tom

They have made some really exciting progress with identifying a potential new drug for SMA and they are going to use the funds you donated to trial this on mice.

The really exciting news though is that a donation of £ 50,000 will enable them to move the drug towards human clinical trials.

That is earth shattering

There are millions of pounds donated to charities and pharmacutical firms to help solve SMA and here is the team who may have the solution and they are based in the UK. That has to be worth a 50k gamble.

We will now dedicate the fund rasing side of SMASHSMA to trying to raise the 50k that Tom and his team need. Every donation counts.

Here is the web link to make a donation if you would be so kind.


https://edinburghuni.workwithus.org/Fundraising/Donate.aspx?page=7182

The idea of there being a scholorship in Estella's name is moving beyond words.

Am i serious about SMASHING SMA ?

It's what I promised her.

We are going to cure this disease.

THE PRETTIEST STAR - MORE THAN WORDS

ONE FINE DAY

By any stretch of the imagination an amazing day.

A TV company is paying for a memorial garden at Bluebell Wood. We met with the companytwice and they will be filming Maria in June.

Tom Gillingwater contacted me today from Edinburgh University . You may remember his team are working on an SMA cure. They have decided to introduce a scholarship at the University for a student. The scholorship is called the Estella Star SMA memorial scholorship and will allow a student to be trained to help find a solution to SMA. As you can imagine an over emotional Mupet Daddy found this idea to be more than wonderful. Weeping like a fool.


I thought nothing could beat that.

Then we got home and there was a letter from The Deputy Prime Minister.
He had sent a response last month from the secretary of state. I did not write about it at the time because it was not very positive. I wrote back with a few comments and asked for more.

Today it came

Are you ready for this ?

The Parliamentary Under Secretary for Public Health , Anne Milton MP has agreed that SMA will be considered for preconception and carrier screening by the UK National Screening Committee (UK NSC). They are going to look at the viability of screening for SMA - and here is the important bit - for the very first time ! They have never considered SMA screening before.

I have been asked to contact the Projects Manager who will be responsible for the consultation and reviews process. In other words there will be a public consultation before they decide whether to screen for SMA.

When I last held Estella's hand and looked into her eyes I promised the little Tinker that we would SMASH SMA for her.

Five months on the UK Government has asked for a detailed enquiry and consultation to decide if SMA should be screened for. 1 in 40 of you reading this article carry |SMA. It is the number one genetic killer of babies.

In the coming months I will need you.

I will need you to be part of the consultation and the review. I will need the strength and support and love that you have shown to our Tinker

because in the next 5 months

We are going to take awareness of this disease into the House of Commons
We are going to have a reception hosted by the Deputy Prime Minister
We are going to have research and consultation into genetic screening for SMA
We are going to have a major celebrity raising the profile of SMA nationally
We are going to have over 20,000 social network followers
We are going to fund SMA research at the University of Edinburgh
We are going to raise thousands of pounds for the Jennifer Trust

When I last held her hand I promised her that we would SMASH SMA. I never dreamed that so many of you would walk this path with us. But you have.

Tonight I am very happy

but

What I would rather be doing is bathing Estella and watching her splash and play.
What I woulod rather be doing is drying her with a bif towel and holding her close
What I would rather be doing is singing her a song and telling her a tale
What I would rather be doing is tucking her in and kissing her cheek

Nite Nite. Sleep Tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite.

And watching her breathe and sleep with stars shining through her window.

Muppet Daddy can't do that

I was her Dad for eight months. She gave me the happiest days of my life.

Now ?

I'm going to SMASH SMA into so many little brittle pieces.
I'm going to SMASH SMA until no babies have to kiss goodbye to their Mummy and Daddy
I'm going to SMAS SMA and then I'm going to sit by Tinker's Fountain and I'm going to sing her a song and tell her a tale and tell her that there will be babies that will laugh and breathe and run and laugh and love and live  .... because of her.


Because of her

I'm going to SMASH SMA - and you are going to scatter that disease to the winds and the rain and the rain and the skies.

They are going to consider screening for SMA
For the first time ever

Because of a little Tinker
Because of you

Thankyou

FOOTNOTE and on the same day Pfizer have announced that they are going to sellall of their baby care products to Nestle. An ideal opportunity to change the name of their SMA milk.

A garden at Bluebell Wood
A scholorship at a University in her name
A major drug company shamed into selling its interests in SMA milk

and

A government that heard every tweet , every message you wonderful people posted.

Not a bad day Tinker

Not a bad day

i love you

THE BIGGEST WISH

The most common question we get asked when people hear Estella's tale is , " What can I do to help?" It's a wonderful reaction , it's a very human reaction and it leaves me genuinely humbled every time somebody says it.

What they do not realise is that simply asking the question is helping. It shows they care.

I know there was something very special about my daughter. I am biased but time and time again I see people moved and willing to do anything they can to tell her story. I know when that happens that the magic and the mystery that was Estella is still alive and I am so so grateful.

BUT

This blog is not about Muppet Daddy - it's about practicalities. People ask how they can help and so I wanted to write a  blog with genuine hard factual ways that they can contribute towards helping us. The only thing that I will say again is that I am so moved by the fact that people actually want to do anything . I take nothing for granted. I expect nothing. All you do for us , for SMA awareness , for Tinker is gold dust. Thankyou, with all my heart , Thankyou.

If you are here then I don't need to retell Estella's story. It is documented well enough elsewhere in the blog. I will just concentrate on things that can be done to make this world a better place.

OK. That's Estella. She is why we are here

What can you do to help ?

ENCOURAGE SOCIAL NETWORKING

We have over 16,000 followers on Twitter and 1,300 on Facebook. They are very powerful tools. I spend three hours every day keeping on top of things and trying to answer every message in person.

This is one of the main areas where you can help. Some people are there just to follow, some are there to support and some seem to work all night trying to spread the word. There will be different responses but overall you can help by

• Retweeting when you find something interesting
• Encouraging your followers to follow Estellastar1 on Twitter or Estella Meansstar on Facebook
• Joining in with the silly photo competitions. They raise awareness
• Trying to get a celebrity retweet. Stephen Fry brought 1,000 new followers and Rio Ferdinand added 2,500 in 3 hours. Think carefully about what you ask them to tweet. Will it grab attention ? Don't complain if they don't help. They get hundreds of requests but they are very kind and many do respond.

FOLLOW WORTHY CAUSES THAT HELPED ESTELLA

Every now and then I will ask that you follow another cause. Usually these are people that made Estella's little life better. Wonderful people like THE JENNIFER TRUST or BLUEBELL WOOD. Sometimes though I see a family out there struggling to raise awareness and I like to think that we can help them. Every time I do that I think of Estella smiling at helping a family or a baby.

CONTRIBUTE TO SMA RESEARCH FUNDING

We decided very early on that we were not going to set up a SMASHSMA charity. We are not rich but we are not poor and we don't want any money at all for anything. The promise that was made to Estella was that we would do everything we could do to do three things

1) Raise awareness of SMA so that people know that this disease is the number one genetic killer of babies

2) Help any family who came our way by telling them of our experiences and listening and being there

3) We would do everything we could do to genuinely get rid of this disease.

Number 3 is the one that confuses people. I think when we talk of smashing SMA some people see us as grieving parents who are trying to do the impossible. It's not impossible. There are many institutions with hundreds of thousands of pounds trying to come up with a cure. There are genuine people out there and I know they are coming up with major breakthroughs every day.

So

We suggest three different kinds of charitable donation

1) BLUEBELL WOOD - This is the hospice that gave Estella her childhood. Any donation to them makes us very happy indeed. That's a personal response.

2) JENNIFER TRUST - They are superb at helping parents with newly diagnosed children. They give practical and real advice and they make a daily difference.That's a response that helps parents of children with SMA

3) EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY - This is our big one. If the team at the University can get £100,000 I am convinced that they will make massive contributions to ending this disease. I wrote at length about them in the last blog - they are doing amazing things and they will make a difference to so many lives. Trust me please. I live and breathe SMA and research and developments . Tom Gillingwater and his team are the real deal. If you want to SMASHSMA give them a tenner. If you're a celeb reading this make a donation of a hundred grand and let's get rid of this disease !

Please donate by following the link below

https://edinburghuni.workwithus.org/Fundraising/Donate.aspx?page=7182

SIGN THE PETITION

We have had terrific all party support for the raising of SMA awareness and there are going to be remarkable things happening in the coming months. We have met with The Deputy Prime Minister, Nick Clegg and he has remained in contact.

We need to have SMA discussed in Parliament - this will happen soon one way or another but we also have a petition to raise awareness of the need for screening for the disease. Even though we will have the matter discussed in the House of Commons it would still be good to have as much support as possible for this important petition. If you have not signed it already then please do so. Every person will count.

http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/25997

THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX

Don't be afraid of having a brilliant idea. We have had people writing SMASHSMA on their backs and taking photos, we have had people diving out of planes, we have had people writing SMASHSMA in the sand, we have had people painting portraits of Estella, we have had a star named after her, we have had school assemblies about SMA and people writing to their MP, we have had blogs, lit candles , made cakes and biscuits , painted SMASHSMA on their kids, written poems , - not only do all these things raise awareness they make Muppet Daddy and Cuddly Mummy so proud of the effect that their little Tinker is having on the world.

Do daft things - we love them !

THE BIGGEST WISH

What would I ask of you if I could only ask one thing though ?

What is more important than the money and the awareness and the retweets?

How can you really make a difference ?

This one is the simplest answer of all.

If you have children. If you have the amazing luck to have children that are there with you every night. If you have children in your life. If you are a Mummy or a Daddy or a Grandparent then do one thing

Cuddle them so very closely.

Read to them even when you are tired

Listen to them even when they don't seem to be making any sense.

I have had happy moments since Estella said goodbye. Some really happy moments. Those moments have all been when something happens to remind me of how she felt, and how she looked and how she smiled. I was amazed that I still had any capacity to laugh or joke or smile or taste happiness.

The fact that I can is only because I was so lucky. I was lucky enough to be a  Daddy for eight months, I was lucky enough to have some impossibly beautiful moments and I was lucky enough to see eyes looking at me with more love than I ever imagined existed.

I was lucky enough to love and to be loved by a little Tinker who has never left my heart, who has never left my soul.

So what I ask of you is very simple.

When you tuck your kids in at night. When you kiss them goodnight and walk wearily down the stairs to the heaven of tea and armchair - every now and then remember Estella and when you do remember that you are so blessed to be so loved by your children and you are so blessed that they will be there in the morning - causing a commotion.

And if enough people do that then she is still here.

If enough people do that then she remains real

If enough people do that then there is a star that will always burn bright.

This Easter - buy more eggs than they need.

and do one more thing

If you take them to the park and you watch them play and watch them run 

Do one more thing

When you've had enough and you want to go home

Do one more thing

It's the biggest thing of all. If you read on you have to do this ...

Look at your watch and give them an extra 30 minutes beyond the time when you think you've had enough Sit and watch them and just for that thirty minutes imagine what riches, what fortunes, what gold I would give to have 30 more minutes with my Tinker. 30 little minutes watching her play. 30 more minutes to tell her what she means - what she will always mean.

Imagine what that 30 minutes would mean to me

Enjoy what that 30 minutes become to you

And if you can do that I promise you - you will have the happiest half hour of your life.  





Go on , let them play a little longer and let them stay up to watch that programme that they want to watch. Cuddled up with their Mummy. Nestled into their Daddy

Have a lovely Easter

Thankyou for being there